How can I begin to describe the incredible experience I have had? There is so much I want to say, but overwhelming emotions and a ticking clock that tells me I owe half of my remaining Quetzals will keep this entry basic. (I found out last night that I fly out on Monday and not Sunday. So I had to revise my budget.)

Right now I am sitting in a café in Antigua, Guatemala listening to some amazing music (Miles Davis, Bright Eyes, Iron and Wine) looking out at a gorgeous Central Park. I watch as the fat yuppies, mischa barton-ites, and corporate vactioners wander around spending way too much money, riding in a horse drawn carriage, and "experiencing" the indeginous culture of Guatemala. I wonder if any of them really know what Guatemala went through and is still going through. Or are they just visiting because Bill Clinton slept here (with interns?)

-- By the way, the hotel that Bill Clinton Stayed at... $200 US Dollars a night! That is 1500 Q. That is almost the same amount we gave to the Asimam group for the computer.--

Anyway, I ask myself "Do I really understand what this people went through? What is their pain, their joy, their need, their desires?" I feel as if a window was cracked open ever so slightly. I don´t know if you have ever experienced another culture in the way I did. Living with a famliy is incredible. The hispanic community has such a strong sense of famlily that I feel we lack in the states. Also, I can´t express how amazing it is to have a large family living together. Sure, you don´t have much personal space, but so much joy comes from having a large number of people sharing everything from Food to Appliances to Dancing to Games. There is always some one home, some one laughing, someone crying. And their is always some one ther to laugh with you, to cry with you, to comfort you.

How amazing was it to have Consuelo (My Abuelita) cooking me breakfast on my last day, with tears in her eyes. I couldn´t look anyone in the face yesterday without tearing up. (I´m tearing up right now just thinking about her.) I know I will always have a family in Guatemala.

There is so much I love about my life in the states. But there is a lot lacking as well. Perhaps I found a piece of the hole. Here are a few of my favorite memories:

-Watching the football game (Guatemala vs Costa Rica) with fernando (Consuelo´s son-in-law). When Guatemala tied the game with the second goal the crowd went crazy. Fernando gave me a big bear hug. Goals in soccer are so emotion filled since there are so few of them. For this, I love soccer.

-Making friends with the waiters in Cafe La Luna (The best damned chocolate house in the world!)

-Eating one of the best Italian meals ever at Restaurante Portofino. A world class Italian Chef in the middle of guatemala. Pesto Gnocci, Penne Gorby (Vodka sauce), Mixed Salad, Fresh Bread, 2 Glasses of wine, and amazing Tiramasu for about $20.

-Seeing an actual Chicken on the Chicken bus.

-Meeting Nephtali on my regular chicken bus to Asimam. He´s twelve year old kid who was born in Santa Monica, lived there for 11 years, his parents were forced to return to Guat (illegals), and now he works on a bus collecting money (and occasionaly driving as well). An american citizen who speaks perfect English and Spanish working on bus in guatemala. What a strange find.

-Actually being able to communicate in a different language. I was even teaching people how to work a computer. ¡ijole!

-Seeing Motorcycle Diaries in central america. ¡Viva la revolution!

Finally, a moment for my soapbox. One of the most striking aspects of my stay her was the amount of American culture and influence. I was surprised to find that I could buy and experience any part of america I wanted to. 4 star hotels, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, all the latest fashions, cell phones, movies, television, play stations, McDonalds, Mega Malls, Nike, Internet... Everything (except perhaps well paved roads and a government without explicit corruption).

Is it any surprise that these people will do anything they can to get to the USA? Every day they see our propganda (which ironically I am apart of.) Our TV shows and movies. They see all the "beauty" of our culture. We ship down our Coca-Cola, McPatties, and Motorla Razrs. They are being taught the values of consumerism, without the benefit of a "well-run" economy. Even though they have come along way from the corruption and destruction of the Rios-Montt era, they still have a long way to go.

CAFTA is a step in the wrong direction for this country. All it will do is make the rich richer and the small business owners struggle even more. The gap between the rich and poor is incredibly huge. Guatemala is essentially an Oligarchy with all the power resting in the hands of 7 or 8 families that run the majority of the businesses.

I'm not sure what is needed to help this country. I do know that any reforms has to come from the people. But I do think we have the reponsibility, as the main world power, to continue to pursue justice in the world. We need to not only hold governments accountable for their actions, but corporations as well. We need to continue to pressure international companies to provide living wages and humane working environments. We, as the exploiters and consumers of a majority of the world´s resources, need to remember that there is always an reaction for every action. For every gallon of gas, pair of shoes, bunch of bananas, or electronic appliance that is purchased, their is often a developing country that is behind that purchase. I pray that we can tread lightly on the world always upholding the justice and human rights that we hold so dear.

Friends and family, thank you for following my journey. Hopefully I will have pictures online in the next few weeks. I look forward to seeing you all real soon.

Bernadette, I´m coming home. Sin tattoos... (not with a sin tattoo but without... without tattoos.)

PS I´ve already spent way too much time online. So I´m going to skip the prrofread. I hope I made sense...