First off, a big thank you to all that responded to my Bling Bling request. It is much appreciated. We're going out tommorrow to go shopping for computers. It turns out that ASIMAM has some money set aside for a new computer. So, what I'm going to do is make sure they get a decent new computer and not a crappy rebuilt one. Either that or help them purchase a new printer because it looks like their printer is on it's last leg as well.

Today, instead of trying to fix an archaic computer, I cleaned the office. Actually, I broomed the office. Every nook and cranny was filled with either a pile of dead flies or used soda (pop, pop music) cans. I think they we're motivated by my altruism as they began to pick up some of the trash with me. Sr. Ventura, the director of the program and Che Guevera incarnate, even went as far as cleaning out my trash bag. Who knew that they recycled aluminum in Guatemala?

Anyway, it was nice to get away from the computer for awhile. I like technology (but not as much as you, you see... But I STILL love technology...) but fixing computers stresses me out. IT was great to get my hands dirty for once.

By the way, I survived my hike. I actually surprised myself. Nunca había subido una volcún ní dormido en la sima.

We climbed to 4,420 meters--roughly 15,000 miles if I´ve done my english conversion correctly. That equals the highest point in Central America. We were lucky and only recieved a slight mist on the way up. Mud, wet pants, and a 30 pound pack would have made for a miserable ascent.

We started hiking around 10:30am and reached the campsite at about 4:00pm. Set up camp, chopped down bits of trees with a machete, tried to light trees for fire, gave up 2 hours later since all the wood was wet, ate spahgetti cooked on a little camping stove, and went to bed around 9:00pm.

We were awoken at 4:00am so we could make the final ascent to the top to see the sunrise. Once again we were blessed with a spectacular clear view. Often the volcano is clouded in. But we had a spectacular show. I can´t wait to show you the pictures.

The descent wen much quicker. It seems that you when you fall on a decline you can still cover some ground by continuing to roll. Did I mention that we were almost 3 miles high? Breathing is really tough this high up. I havd no idea how the smokers made it to the top without hacking up a lung.

Anyway, it was a great trip. My body is now paying the price.

2 weeks left. Any requests before I leave?

A moment for a serious entry.

I've been volunteering at an organization called ASIMAM. It´s an association for the indigenious women of the MAM tribe. 60% of the population of Guatemala is in indigenious. Historically these people have been disenfranchised, discriminated against, and even slaughtered (during the civil war). There has been much progress in the past 10 years towards basic human rights, but much work is still needed.

ASIMAM works with the women of the MAM tribe educating them on their rights, teaching them reading and writing, and helping them earn a living by selling their traditional woven goods.

I've been assigned to help decorate their office, develop new marketing ideas (Andy, alisa?), AND fix their computer. I spent this past week on the computer alone. And let's just say 1999 wasn't a good year for computers. It's beyond repair at this point.

I would like to buy them a new computer. To buy a decent computer down here costs around $500-600. Would you, my friends and family, consider helping me with this project. If you're interested please email my lovely wife at bjbarber at mac dot com (bjbarber@mac.com).

Thank you.

You can see their website (in spanish) at http://asimam.tripod.com/

Internet has taken a big dump today. I´ve wasted 30min just reloading pages. Don´t have much time so I´ll just highlite the highlites....

*All dogs are fat and pregnant. And yes you can milk anything with nipples.

*Met a kid on the chickenbus yesterday. He was one of the workers. Spoke perfect english without an accent. Turns out he was born in santa monica, lived there 11 years, parents were deported make to Guat. Now he works on a bus. Sad...

*Guatemala is run by the 4 or 5 really rich families. One of them is the Paiz family. The yhave a chain of stores called Hiper Paiz (literally Super Paiz). These stores are akin to the megamalls in America. The mall consists of a Costco size supermarket, various clothing stores, Cell Phone Dealers, GNC, Radio Shack, Music Stores, Arcades, Kiddie Rides, and a Food Court ("Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs count as food court. Anything outside, of said designated sqaure, counts as an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking. Now, if your going to wax intellectual about the subject... ")

*At said food court, they have a burger king, subway, chinese food, and Taco Bell.

*Yes I ate at taco bell. I felt compelled to complete my strange trip to the mall with american mexican food. And yes, the burrito was crappy. Why is it that all Taco Bells around the world give you all the Guacamole at the butt of the buritto? Is this in their employee manual?

*That´s it for now. Tomorrow I´m going on a hike to the tallest peak in Guatemala. See Matt Climb. See Matt Wheeze. Wheeze, Matt, Wheeze.

For info on the hike go here:
http://www.quetzaltrekkers.com/guattajumulco.html

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

Hey Yáll,

Sorry I've been incommunicado. Today I started my volunteer work with a group called ASIMAM. It's an orginization that assists indegenous women with understanding their rights, basic education, and sustainable living (I think. I have yet to fully understand all of what they do.) My first day on and I´m already making myself useful. I taught them (2 indegenous mujeres and 1 hombre) how to operate the new microwave. And I fixed their printer (Hmmm... Cable was unplugged and they need new ink.) Dichotomy time: While I "fixed" their computer they were all comparing the features on their cell phones. I was in the middle of guatemala in an all indegenous pueblo and they have better cell phone service then many parts of LA. WTF!

Anyway, all this means less time to write. So expect fewer updates. I'll probably give two updates a week.

Quickly though, this weekend I saw Star Wars III. Amazing. The best of this latest group. But then again I saw it in spanish and could only understand about 20% of what was said. Perhaps it's better that way.

I have so much more to say, Mall of America in Guatemala, Jungle Restaurant ala Disneyland, Taco Bell in Guatemala, Mayan Ruins.... Strange weekend. Can't wait to tell you about it.

Happy Birthday mom!

Everyone gets so worked up over hurricanes. But I don't see what all the fuss is about. A little rain, slightly stronger winds, and grey skies for a few days. Nothing! I can handle whatever nature throws at me. But I was wondering, MR. Beard, if you have a solution for removing duct tape from skin without chaffing?

Sin Sarcasmo.... The hurricane lost all it's force and was downgraded to a tropical storm. But El Salvador still recieved quite a beating. We're safe, but El Sal could use some prayers.

On a slightly different note, I am now offically a Guatemalan Tourist. I had my wallet (and mini-notebook/journal) stolen off my person in town called San Francisco en Alto (Damn Hippies!). Luckily I had just bought a nice rug and only had about $3 left. But they did nab my credit cards. I'm not really worried about the money or even the credit cards, as I cancelled them promptly. But what bothers me is that I had to waste a half a day calling companies, exchanging travelers cheques...

I don't really feel violated; just stupid. I thought my wallet was safe. But San Fran was a crazy place. A huge swap meet with 1000´s of people pushing you every which way. I think what happened was after I paid for the rug someone saw where my "safe" spot was. Oh well. I still have my health and my passport. And a nice rug.

Last night I was awaken by a 5.2 earthquake. Due to my earlier experience during the 1989 Bay Area earthquake I knew that the best thing to do was go outside and run amuck. As you can see it worked as I am still here.

But that's just the beginning. For the first time in recorded history a Hurricane is about to strike Guatemala and El Salvador. GREAT!!! But we should be OK since Xela is surrounded by mountains. We're expecting some increased winds and rain, but everything should be allright. I'll check back in as soon as I am able to let you know how it turns out.

Any advice for Hurricanes?

¡Bienvenidos!

Another weekend has been successfully completed. Saturday was Matt’s first ever Partido de Futból en vivo. A real live football game (soccer for you Yankees!) It was XelaJú “Los Super Chivos” vs. Guatemala Municipal “Los Rojos”. It took me awhile to figure out what a Chivo was but between the chant and the mascot I guessed that it must be a billy goat. “Careful, or we’ll gnaw your fingers off!”

Sunday I went to church. I had to go to the Catholic church due to the activities of Friday night. No drinking or dancing allowed at the Evangelical church. Besides mass only lasts 1 hour!

To give you a better idea of how my weekend went, here’s a small sample of my itinerary.

Friday Night

9:00pm Drinking and Dancing at Coco Loco. A bar/Discothèque/game room. Here you’ll often hear the 8 mile soundtrack being played while some Hispanic metal band is playing on the big screen TV. Contrast that with the Ping Pong table in the back room. This is Coco Loco.

Saturday Morning

1:00am Stumble back from Coco Loco half drunk, thus fully negating my ability to attend the Evangelical church.

9:00am Eggs for Breakfast.

11:00am Buy Jersey for upcoming football Game. $10US to become a Super Chivo in hopes that the Guatemalans can’t spot a bandwagon fan.

12:00pm Buy Ticket for Football Game for $6 plus $3 extra to stay dry (Most of the stadium is completely open. For extra, you can sit under an awning) Ask Ticket woman when to arrive for the game. “A las tres” she replied. 5 Hours before the start of the game.

2:30pm Debate with myself on whether to arrive at 3:00pm like the woman said, or 4:30pm like my teacher suggested. I opted for a compromise.

5:00pm Arrive at the stadium. Stumble around the trying to find the correct entrance.

5:15pm Finally find the correct entrance. As I walk toward my section I notice that only 1/8 of the seats are full.

6:00pm First game begins (The Farm League consisting mostly of teenagers). My section is only 1/3 full.

6:01pm The skies open. The field floods. Thank God for that extra $3.

7:45pm First game ends. 0-1 Municipal. Ugly ugly game. Section is still only 3/4 full. Must’ve been “Dupe the gringo into seeing the first game” day.

7:46pm The rain finally stops.

7:55pm In anticipation of the “real game” the crowd starts the tomahawk chop. Now, I’m not a huge sports fanatic, but I thought the tomahawk chop was only for sports team with quasi-racist names such as the redskins and the braves. Think I should mention it to the team manager?

8:00pm The game begins and already I can tell a difference in skill level. This is going to be fun.

8:01pm It starts to rain yet again.

8:10pm I start to catch on to some of the chants such as ¡Híjole Puta! And ¡Híjole Puta Los Bomberos! But my favorite is a special chant reserved only for the opposing goalie. Whenever he would go to kick the ball the fans would shout “¡AHHHHHH HUECO!” This literally translates as “AHHHHH YOU´RE GAY!”
“Did you hear what they called me coach?

8:20pm Los Super Chivos score the first goal on a free kick. The crowd goes wild.

8:45pm Half time begins. The entertainment is a bike giveaway. The announcer would call out a ticket number and if you had the corresponding stub… you almost won. If you didn’t arrive on the field before he called the next number you lose.

9:00pm Someone finally claims the prize. And the players arrive back on the field.

9:45pm The game ends. Final Score 1-0. Chivos win ending the undefeated season of the Reds. The crowd is going nuts. I wonder if the San Jose Earthquakes ever had this sort of reception. (The sad thing is that all the Guatemalans know who the San Jose Earthquakes are. How many of you know who they are?)

10:15pm Finally exit the stadium to find my entire zone has lost power. Great. Now I have to walk home alone in utter darkness.

10:20pm While following someone home I realize that I´m going in the wrong direction.

10:30pm Backtrack to the stadium. Find my street. Walk slowly home trying to avoid the potholes and the mean looking stray dogs.

10:45pm Finally arrive home, 45 minutes later than it should have taken me.

11:00pm Sleep.

Sunday

6:45am Upon hearing a knock on my door I awake to realize that church starts in 15 minutes. Change clothes. Brush teeth. Skip shower. Double deodorant. Walk out the door.

6:55am My family already left. Not knowing where their church is I rush to the big church in the center of town.

7:05am Mass has already started. I enter during the Homily. Not seeing my family I find an empty row near the back. It’s difficult to understand what is being said because the sanctuary is so echo-y. The only thing I understand is Jorge Bush. Hmm…What could he be talking about.

7: 15am Whenever the priest goes to make the sign of the cross the church shouts “¡AHHHH HUECO!” Man, these fans sure are rabid.

7:40am I stand when everyone stands. I kneel when everyone kneels. I say a few prayers. Thank God for my safe travels, my family, and all of my collective experiences. It really is quite incredible praying in a church with so much history and beauty. But I can’t help but wonder how much it cost to build and maintain such a grand structure. When people can live on a few dollars a day, grandiosity is such a waste.

8:00am Mass ends. I walk over to the bread store and buy some bread for my family.

8:30am Breakfast. More Eggs. I also find out that no one knocked on my door this morning. Weird. How did I wake up?

The rest of the day consists of pedestrian activities such as talking, playing games, eating, watching movies etc… It was a good weekend overall.

A final observation… One of my favorite things about traveling in a foreign country is you are always making new friends. And friends seem to come rather quickly and easily. Often times you share a number of interests in common, not to mention that you are alone in a strange country. I’ve enjoyed all the new friends I have made. I miss all the old friends I have.

Don Rafferty, su es la luz de mi vida....

Tonight, the swedes are celebrating a birthday. So off to the bar for drinks and food.

Tomorrow, a movie with one of the American volunteers down here. Will it be Triple-X 2 con Helado Cube or Cruzada con Orlando Bloom.

Tomorrow night, my first live football game. I hope I have the correct colors. I really don´t want half eaten oranges thrown at me.

Sunday, church with my family.

Sunday night another movie. Atame, directed by Pedro Almodóvar (Talk to her).

Currently on the radio, Counting Crows. I feel all tingly inside.

Has anyone seen Star Wars III yet? Is it any good? I don´t think we´re going to get it down here. Maybe I´ll just buy it on the street.

C-Dawg: Pork Chop Sandwiches! Welcome to the rest of your life.

Dad-Dawg: Thanks for stopping by. You{d be surprised at what is popular down here. Mc Donalds, of course. AND Kentucky Fried Chicken, known as Pollo Campero (Country Chicken.) Also, everyone has a cell phone (Leach, if you´re reading this it seems that the Guates have surpassed you in technological ability.)

Buz-Bee: Play a hand of poker for me.

X.T.B.: Who are you and why are you on my blog? Show yourself! I remember the conversation but not the context.

Teddy-Bear: !Por Supuesto! Soy Fluento in Españolo. Asko me todo.

Lazlo-daddy: Cuando yo llegué in xela, ponía la machete en mis pantelones.

Jakey: Shatner. Get the whole CD. Stunning. The dogs are pets of course. But they have some strange nicknames for them, though. Like Al Pastor, Chile Verde, and 7-layer Burrito.

¡Hijole! I just lost a whole entry. Damned guatemalan internet. I´m too frustrated and tired to retype the whole thing so here is a summary.

Mother´s Day. yesterday. Awoken by fireworks. Firecrackers all day. Happy Mother´s day mom, I blew off my finger. What better way to say "I love you mom" than Domino´s pizza. Domino´s pizza delivers in 30 minutes or less (45 in tico Time). Delivery guy drives a dirt bike. German sees dirt bike and craves pizza. Tonight We´re skipping dinner with family and eating pizza at Gringo Bar. Tonight is German´s last night in Xela. Also making an appearance is Michelle, new student from Michigan. Hippy. Hairy. Vegan. Speaks Japanese. My Stomache has decided to stop wrestling with my Spleen. [If anyone can tell me what a spleen is for, you win the grand prize. Points for creativity.]

I´ll fill in the rest when I get home.

Copy and Paste Good.....

Thhpppphht.....

Franny (the german), Timbo (the loud american from Tenn.), Bart (Amicable Hollander), and I took a trip to Lake Atitlan this weekend. We went to a small town there called Panajachel.

Guatemala often has two names for it´s cities (like Frisco, or The Armpit of California)The official names often include ...tenango. Like Quetzaltenango. Literally this means town of Quetzals, the national bird of Guatemala. Quetzaltenango is the "scientific" name for the town I am in (Xela). Panajachel also has a second name, affectionately referred to as Gringotenango (you work it out).

This pueblo is a hot spot for visitors. A beautiful lake surrounded by 3 volcanoes. From what I understand it seems that many americans retire here. But I don´t think its the black sock with plaid shorts type of retiree. All I saw were dreads, bongs, and hemp necklaces. This probably explains why the number two export of Gringotenango is weed.

We spent two days in this town where everything is twice the price of xela. Bottle of Water = 7 Quetzals or 1 dollar. In Xela, 3 Quetzals. We swam in the lake, ate pizza (good pizza!), rose early just in time to miss the sunset, took a boat trip to the other side of the lake, swam some more, jumped off a big ol rock into said lake, pee´d my pants after jumping off rock, nearly missed the bus back home, contracted the green apple splatters, had to sit on a crowded bus back home.

Pause.

Let me tell you a little about the bus system here. One time my friend Jake (Jake you can fill in the missing details) asked a group of mexicans why they always cram their trucks full of people. "Because we like to carpool" they said. Well, I´ve learned that Guatemalans (and most hispanics I suppose) learn very early on that the only way to survive a crazy bus driver is to cram the bus so full of people that if there is an accident no one will get hurt because there is no place for anyone to go. (Was that a run-on?) So picture this: Blue-Bird school bus+three people per seat+two people in aisle+some fat kid´s stomache in my face+stopping every ten minutes to cram even more people in the bus=Chicken Bus adventure.
Big PLUS... We had to drive this bus up a curvy mountain road. At every switchback the bus had to stop, back up, and hack it´s way back up the mountain. Everytime this happened, everyone took a collective breath and leaned in to the turn praying to whatever God they believe in that we didn't backslide off the cliff and into the lake.

To finish up, I am now sitting in a cafe safe and sound. The antibiotics have just started to kick in. I feel much better. This first big rain just hit. I better go before we lose power.

Some other random notes:

Don´t ever conjugate the verb poner in the past preterite 1st person around an english speaking woman. Very embarassing.

If you have a friend who is speaking loudly and can only pronounce spanish words in a southern accent, don´t be ashamed to call him a gringo. This seems to soothe the Guatemalans who have to hear their language being bastardized.

I was watching this sketch comedy show last night. I have to describe this one sketch because it is one of the most funny things I have ever seen. Picture this, a man with a fake bald cap, fake bad teeth, fake smokers cough, and giant fake moustache is being interviewed by reporter (the straight man, or woman in this case). This guy is some sort of movie reviewer. The woman asked him about a recent movie he saw. He started describing a movie about a space adventure. On the screen was a bad reenactment of an alien lazering an astronaut (male) in the juevos. The woman chimed in "¡Ay, es Perdidos in Espacia!" (Lost in Space). The man retorted, "¡No! Es Perdi Dos en Espacia!" (He lost two in space). *Laugh, Cry*

Happy Mother´s day, mom and mom-in-law.

OK, I need to fill you in on the rest of the details of my arrival.

After I arrived at the school I met my host family. A little Abuelita ,named Consuelo , and her granddaughter, valeria (pronounced val-uh-ray-uh) walked me 1/4 of a mile to their house in zona 1 cross street 8a Avenida and C Calle. They opened the door and we stepped into a large courtyard very similar to the one on melrose place, except this courtyard has the luxuries of a dirt floor, laundry drying on lines, 2 half-rabid dogs, and barbed wire surrounding the walls.

The interesting thing is, from the outside, the apartment looks like a house. But once inside it really is a mini apartment structure. There about 6 different units containing 24 guatemalans, one american aid worker, and now me. About 26 in total. The cool thing is everyone is family (except for us americans of course). There are four patriarchs. Consuelo, my "grandma", and three of her brothers and sisters. The rest are uncles, nephews, etc...

Living with Consuelo is one of her daughters, Sucely (prononouced Su-ze-lee) and Sucely´s husband Fernando. Fern and Suce are the parents of valeria.

(currently playing on the radio is "butterfly kisses" by bob carlisle. I can´t escape that song!!!)

Ok, more about my family in bullet form:
*Consuelo is the one who works with the school. She cooks for me and herself only.
*So far I{ve eaten Juevos Rancheros, Pancakes, Cornflakes, Beans and Rice, Pureed beens and Cheese, Scrambled Eggs, Tamalitos (Mini Tamales with no Meat), and Shredded chiken with bland Salsa.
*One of the dogs is named Yuck. The other one looks sort of like a grey snoopy. He´s very sad looking though.
*The family is split between Catholic and Evangelical. But everyone seems to respect each other.
*Everyone is short in Guatemala. Therefore all the doors are short. I hit my head at least twice a day coming out of the bathroom.
*Speaking of Bathrooms, have you heard of an out house? If so, you must be living in Guatemala.
*And the shower head? I keep expecting Cyclone B to flow out of it. It looks like a prop out of a World War II film.

Es todo para ahorra. Hello to everyone. Hi Mom! Thanks for stopping by and using your spanish words. Estoy muy orgulloso!

I love you all. Buenas Tardes.

Well it seems that the Assemblies of God have permeated the country. I learned yesterday that if you are an evangelical (it doesn´t matter which branch) then you are not allowed to drink or dance at all. If you are caught drinking then you will be--I couldn´t quite make out the word--it was either to castrate oneself or to cut off one´s hair.

Ok I´m off to the hot baths. I can´t wait to show off my beautiful white man flesh.

Hasta luego.

¡Bienvenidos!

I arrived safely in Guatemala City yesterday. The flight was long and I only slept about three hours in total (que triste). I arrived at the airport, went through customs, with minimal complications (I didn´t know I was supposed to fill out any formas.) I found a tour guide at the airport who helped me grab a taxi and off I went. Carlos was muy rapido, dodging in and out of los autobuses, las policias, y los motocycles (sp?). All the way to the alamo bus station.

The thing about Guatemale city (and all cities in Guatemala) is it´s divided into zones, not unlike my diet. The worst part of Guatemala city is Zona 1. This is the area where you might find Jesus. Jesus Gonzales, that is, the drug dealer. You may also run into a few "whores", bandidos, and a software pirate or two.

So, guess where the alamo bus station is? Smack in the middle of the carb portion of my diet, Zona 1! Fortunately, there was a nice man with a 12 guage shotgun protecting the station. I think he was part of the police, but one can never be certain in these parts.

Once on the bus, I drifted in and out of sleep being awoken by the occasional passanger pickup, street vendor, and police barracade. I also caught some choice songs on the radio station that the driver was listening to. You haven't lived unless you´ve heard "killing me softly" in spanish.

I finally arrived in Xela (not Xala. Sorry BJ). Took another taxi driven by pedro the pedophile. I swear, he had to honk and whistle at every little girl on the street. Granted, most girls look good in a catholic school uniform, but being that he was 50 and the girls were 11 or 12 years old something wasn´t quite right. He did get me to school in one piece, though.

Once at the school I met Ingrid, the woman who runs the program. She is also the one who decided not to confirm my reservation until I arrived (she is very very nice and accomodating, though.) Fortuantely she did arrange a family for me to stay with and teacher to instruct me.

Well, I need to be off. We´re going on a field trip to a weaving factory. Hopefully I´ll be able to log on soon and tell you all about my family, my classes, and the fellow student who is also tall, white, named matt, and lives in The OC. Confusing!

PS forgive any typing errors. This keyboard is diferente and I don{t have my trusty spellchecker.

My bags are packed and I'm ready to go.

I leave in 8 hours.

We'll head to church for one last visit with our

friends.

And then straight to LAX.

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

Jenni, I can't wait to see rocky (it sounds like he's already living up to his name!). And you can blame G.W. Bush for the pre-emption.

Matt, I've come to agree with you about Plank Eye. That whole album is fairly mediocre.

Pira, this trip is solely for pleasure. Suck the marrow out of life, I will!

Guate or Bust!